


it hurts to try

by yunaluvs



Category: Given (Anime), Given (Manga)
Genre: Angst, Established Relationship, Im sorry if this is bad, M/M, Mafuyu misses Yuki, author is tired and sad, idk im so sad rn, ristuka is a BABY someone protect him :(, ritsuka is trying so hard
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-29
Updated: 2020-06-29
Packaged: 2021-03-03 19:54:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 458
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24981160
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yunaluvs/pseuds/yunaluvs
Summary: mafuyu learns to love again,ritsuka learns that love hurts.
Relationships: Satou Mafuyu/Uenoyama Ritsuka
Comments: 12
Kudos: 53





	it hurts to try

ritsuka didnt know where it all went wrong.

was it when he kissed mafuyu? was it when he starting dating mafuyu? was it when he didn't press harder, didn't try harder, didn't do enough when mafuyu got that blank expression on his face? was it when mafuyu slept over and saw yukis clock in his room? was it when-

these thoughts seemed to plague ritsukas mind more often nowadays. even more so, now that he was tasked with finishing yukis song. yukis song for mafuyu, for goodness sake. why had he agreed? he felt like an intruder. an outsider. like someone left out in the cold staring through a glass window at the warmth inside. like someone who was only let in because the glass had broken. like someone picking up the sharp glass shards and putting it together again, even if they hurt him

he hated feeling like this. these spiralling, dizzying thoughts that consumed his sanity, driving a wedge between him and mafuyu. they were boyfriends, but why did ritsuka feel so alienated? 

_mafuyu will drown out your sound._

_what was he even, without mafuyu?_

shut up. shut up. shut-

_the boy will break your heart, ritsuka._

shut up, stop it stop sto-

_what happens when mafuyu realises you're no longer needed in his life?_

ritsuka slams his headphones down with unnecessary force. he looked down at his chicken scratch of unfinished lyrics. damn it, he had scribbled _heartbreak lyrics._

what was he becoming? when was he jealous of someone who had already passed? 

it was this irrational anger that made ritsuka so frustrated. he knew he shouldn't be jealous of yuki, and that he'll never have something as special with mafuyu like yuki did but still, it was so hard to stop these feelings.

and mafuyu seemed so....so distant, so unwilling to open up to ritsuka. ritsuka was trying, trying so hard to gently unravel the layers of mafuyus thoughts, but sometimes mafuyu was caught up so deep he didn't even notice ritsuka was there. but maybe he just wasn't trying hard enough, maybe he never could and never would. he was dating mafuyu, but he couldn't fill the hole that was yuki yoshida. where yuki was bright and expressive, ritsuka was sullen and moody. yuki was like a breath of fresh air, and mafuyus other half. how could ritsuka ever match up with mafuyu when he was so much smaller than yuki? yuki was loud and friendly, and lightened up the mood wherever he went.

maybe ritsuka should just break up with mafuyu.

ritsuka sighed and shoved his face into a pillow. he loved mafuyu, but how could he be loved by the boy who loved someone else? 

ritsuka was so, so tired. 

**Author's Note:**

> thank you if you got all the way here aaaah
> 
> its not great i know but i love my given babies sm and i cant wait for the movie!!
> 
> been feeling tired and sad so i wrote this instead of studying :')
> 
> listen to: 
> 
> falling - harry styles  
> dancing with your ghost - sasha sloan 
> 
> for some ~given feels~


End file.
